Jess' Mess


F is for F E A R L E S S


She was so scared, always so afraid of everything. It wasn't always bad, but when it was bad it got really bad. Hard to breathe, no control over anything. She was there but she was not there. Was it real or was it a product of her imagination? Or selfish thinking? Who knew.

Some days it felt like it was never going to end. Haunted by memories, paralyzed by fear. Why was she so afraid? Fear was taking over her body, her entire existence. Sleepless nights, unwanted thoughts. She was told it was within her control, but why did she feel so powerless? 


Enough. She had had enough. It was exhausting. She wanted none of it. How much longer? It was affecting her, and everyone else. Fear was getting to her. But it wasn't always like this. She tried to get better, and she did. But it felt like she was moving one step forward and two steps backward. She remembered what she used to do as a kid. A bit of a germophobe in some sense, she would avoid touching all door handles in her house out of fear of contracting some infectious disease. So she would rip a page out of a book to cover the handles every time she needed to use them. Until one day she decided to stop because it was getting tiring. And surprise: everything was okay. And the very many nights she couldn't sleep because she was never sure if she had locked her door. Of course she had. She just had to check. And keep checking. At least five times every night. But why?

Fuck fear! She had no option but to face it. Maybe if she faced it head on she would see it was okay. That it was all in her head.

"The only way out is through. What does that mean?!" She wasn't sure, but she tried. And she failed. How discouraging. More anxiety-ridden days. Boo hoo. But when was she going to realize that everyone had their own battle? 


Everybody was scared. But if everybody was scared then maybe there was nothing to be scared of. She had heard people say fall down seven times get up eight. Cliche? Maybe. Easier said than done? Maybe. But she had to do it anyway. Always falling. But maybe the key was to never give up. Fear always got in her way. That needed to stop. Before it was too late. Immediate action required. Immediate action required. Immediate action required.